Children's Haiku

今回、句会実験に参加された外国人へ、送るための
英訳コメントをご紹介いたします。


"kukai on the Internet7" 08.2./ result

I’m pleased to inform you the result of the "kukai on the Internet" 08.2.
If you give me your comment and suggestion on our “kukai”, I’ll appreciate
it. Probably we’ll be able to have the next “kukai” about 5〜6 months
later.

---------------------------------------
Ryo Suzuki


---------------------------------------



[[9 votes]]
drum
of shower
onto my umbrella

Jun= I can hear the onomatopoeic sound of a rhythmic drummer with every
drop of rain that hits my umbrella
M. Kosiba = very comforting. just standing and listening
Steve =
Nunuta= I like haiku in which I can hear something like a real sound.
Iwamoto = I feel the shower not only with my eyes but also with my ears.
Kubodera= Rain I see from my room and the rain which drops onto my
umbrella outside on the street are very different. From this haiku I can hear a loud
sound and feel the vibration.
Sato= The scene rises in my mind.
Sone= I am interested in the writer’s comparison of the sound of rain to the drum.
Toshio= The writer seems to enjoy the sound of rain.
##### This haiku is written by Mr. Nakamura.

[[7 votes]]
moonless night―
her face in the glow
of the cellphone screen

《Gene》alone, comforted by her own reflection
《Ian》This is unusual but I like the idea of a loved one's face
brightening a dull night.
《Tom》
《Nunuta》I am surprised that the writer describes something unrefined like the light
of a cellphone so beautifully.
《Harada》I like the atmosphere of a moonless night.
《Nakayama》I am interested in her smile appearing in the moonless cold night, and
the juxtaposition of a cellphone, something modern, with the moon, something old
as a seasonal word.
《Kitamura》She must be very important to the writer.
##### This haiku is written by Mykel Board.

[[6 votes]]
mourning dove
on the courthouse cannon
light snow following

《Ian》What a sad sight. No food available
《Moran》I'm not sure I understand what a 'mourning' dove means,
but the scene and language is beautiful
《Mykel》"Courthouse cannon" has nice alliteration and there is
a strong kind of resonance between "mourning" (maybe the
result of someone else firing a cannon) and "cannon."
《Akai》How symbolic it is that a dove is on the cannon! I can feel the writer’s
desire for peace through the cold snow.
《Nakayama》 I was moved to pity by the mourning dove in the light snow.
It is a beautiful scene like in a movie.
《Taguchi》
##### This haiku is written by Gene.

[[6 votes]]
young frogs
jump about―
rippled pond

《Gene》nature's action and reaction
《Mykel》I like this because of the allusion to Basho's furui ike,
without actually saying it. In this haiku, the frogs never ENTER the
pond. It's playful like the young frogs.
《Steve》
《Iwamoto》I feel the power from the young frogs.
《Sone》The movement of the young frogs is vivid.
《Nakamura》Rhythmical. The writer seems to be singing a children’s song.
##### This haiku is written by Moran.

[[6 votes]]
step by step
in my own pace
always slowly

《Gene》rhythm of an aging life
《Jun》This clearly defines one's way of moving/pacing
himself/herself around in his/her own way - either
literally or figuratively.
《Ohshima》I like this one best of all.
《Harada》I can imagine the writer walking step by step.
《Sato》Slowly always all the time.
《Kitamura》This is haiku I like very much.
##### This haiku is written by Toshio.

[[6 votes]]
looking up
at Milky Way
happiness

《Ohshima》I feel I can see the happy scene for the writer.
《Steve》
《Kubodera》I think you can write haiku when you find a little
happiness in daily life.
《Harada》I envy the writer who feels happy when he/she sees
the Milky Way in winter.
《Sato》The writer looks up at the night sky alone.
《Nobuko》I often look up at the stars on a cold night because
they are beautiful.
##### This haiku is written by Sone.

[[5 votes]]
people no words
doing Tai Chi―
a gray starling

《Ian》Images of elderly people exercising in parks. Starlings are grey
before their first winter. The mature and the immature.
《Moran》An endearing evocation of a Tai Chi scene, with the gray starling
providing context in nature
《Tom》
《Nunuta》When I did Tai Chi in the Ueno Park before, I felt imagined scenery.
《Kurosawa》
##### This haiku is written by ryo.

[[5 votes]]
blade of grass
bends low
with snow fall

《Mykel》Again, nice sound scheme with the b's of BLADE and BENDS,
and the l's in blade, low, fall. There is also a kind of conquering image, as if
the snow triumphs forcing the grass to bow.
《0hshima》Very rhythmical.
《Tom》
《Kubodera》The blade of grass bears the weight of the snow and accepts
the fact firmly. It is admirable and beautiful.
《Hayashi》We can often see this scene on a snowy morning. I feel something
like the trick of nature.
##### This haiku is written by Jun